the anti-resolution resolution

“A good intention clothes itself with sudden power.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who wants to live like an automaton?

I think I’ve mentioned before that I don’t do New Year’s resolutions.  I’ve also mentioned that I’m a recovering perfectionist.  The two are related.

See, if I made a New Year’s resolution like “quit smoking,” and then didn’t keep it, or, more likely, didn’t keep it “perfectly” or on a schedule, or to the impossibly ideal standards of my perfectionistic vision, then that would be seen by my internal critic as Failure, the kind with a capital F, the kind that goes down as a black mark in your Book.  (Some of you may not know what I’m talking about when I mention the Book, but those of us with record-keeping egos will recognize and cringe accordingly.  I’m told some egos choose to keep a record of others’ wrongs; my ego was almost exclusively concerned with my own.  Neither is better — just the same sickness in a different form.)

When I began to wake up to this pattern, I backed way off from goal setting.  In fact, eventually I went the other way, where the idea of a goal was anathema, a five-year plan sounded like the devil in disguise, and cynicism about peppy people “reaching for the brass ring” ruled the day.  This attitude was, of course, nothing more than resistance, which is another ego party trick that can keep you stuck and “safe.”

Still, even after the idea of goals lost its hellish aura, I wasn’t about to commit to New Year’s resolutions.  It would be foolish to go back to something that’s discouraged and effectively blocked me before, especially when I’ve achieved major goals all year through without their help.  I quit smoking this year, for instance.

Plus, there’s something disturbing about millions and millions of us desperately recommitting year after year to change the same old things, and then giving it up by the 20th of January and going back to our old defeated selves.  I just knew I didn’t want to participate in any of that.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I found a kind of resolution that attracted me, that even enticed me.  Christine Kane has come up with the concept of setting your word for the New Year.  The almost instinctual “yes” I felt as I read her wonderful post about it probably comes from the fact that this approach to change is holistic and starts at the level of Being, where all real change begins.

Heck, where all real anything is born and lives and has its Being.  (Christine didn’t have to convince me of that part.)

If you’re at all curious, I’d encourage you to read her post because I haven’t even attempted to explain the idea properly here.  She did such a good job of it already, which is only right as it’s her idea.

After reading Christine’s post, and reading some guest posts by others who set their word for 2009 and are now reporting on their results, and after considering the idea from many different angles, I’ve decided I’m going to choose a word for 2010.

Now the problem is going to be:  which word?  Christine’s impressive list is a good starting point, but of course, the field is wide open.  You could go anywhere with this concept.   (I’m so silly and playful sometimes.  When I first considered the idea, I thought, oh, if only I had a lifetime to squander, I’d choose something crazy, like balloon, or parakeet, or six.  Kooky would be more accurate.)

Setting aside those choices and the obvious kooky, however, I’ve narrowed my list down to five, and I’ll be letting you know my choice soon.  I’m actually rather excited about this anti-resolution resolution, and a bit nervous, too.

Will you be setting a traditional resolution, a word, an intention, or something else entirely for 2010?  Or will you be flying by the seat of your pants?  (Pants-seat flying is always a worthy option, in my opinion.)

P.S.  I know I owe you a post with a freewrite in it, not to mention a new prompt tomorrow.  But hey, I just got married, and in the spirit of denying my Perfectionist a little more ground, I’m giving myself a bit more lattitude this week.  Meanwhile, if you’ve done the exercise, feel free to post a link in the comments.  I can’t wait to read them.

(Photograph courtesy of stockvault.)